its all over

so the money worries arise.
To start off my mother got layed off from her job last tuesday. I have to worry about getting a car that won't break down on me the second i pay for it. Then I've got school next year. and with that comes the decision of what to do> i have no clue. Theres so many things to do out there that i would just do because i'd earn the money to get by, but deciding is what's really killing me.
Im worried about my farther into the future aswell. the married part. already! i know.
I want to have enough money to start out and make sure both me and my husband to be have stable jobs and income. and to be able to pay for the wedding that i will more then likely underbudget.
I also have the small problem of shopping. too much. I have to stop. the world of fashion is so straining and mind controlling. yet i dont even live in that part of the fashion world i live in the one under it where i pay for the sale items that everyone has already worn for the season.
thats my way of saying i'm behind a season. every season.
to put it nicely.
I always wanted to get into journalism but i dont know where that could lead me, into the life of writing meaningless things about back to school items of fall, to the new recipiet i didnt even write, to something just rediculously boring and unread by almost everyone.
Then i could get into fitness. the only reason is because i suit the part. i have to "look" for it. but thats it. i know nothing about it, and dont have the actually mentality or strenght for it either.
I could..become a dental assistant. I'd only do that because its a year course and i'd make decent money.
I have no idea.

and its killing me.

slowly.

ever. so. slowly.

Never Give in to Average.

I have not been keeping up to date with this thing, shocker considering I do nothing at work all day and am constantly on the internet.
I always start off with well lifes going well, or lifes good or something along those lines, so how about I start up different today, just go out on a whim be totally random..
My boyfriend comes home today.
You know i never use to like calling them that. boyfriends boyfriends. I would just say there name and expect everyone to know who they are. But I guess more recently I've become comfortable using the term boyfriend in a relationship. Unlike that idiot Justin Bobby from the Hills. what the hell was audrina thinking, sorry let me refrase that, what the hell IS she thinking! My Dog has more human feelings then he does, and I dont even have a Dog.
I work with a guy who's seeing a psychiatist for 'stress' problems, I make enough money to get by on the weekends, my only days off, I'm slowly blowing into a ballon although everyone around me pretends not to see it, I'm extremely lazy at work, I sleep the second I get home from work. Well I could keep going but I could get boring so here.

Never give in to average.

Flash of a lense.

I currently enjoy photography.
It is a very freeing feeling getting lost on angles, and lights, flashes and perception.
Nature is my passion. When I began I never knew what my interest was, I just photographed. Which as a beginner you think is ok to do.
But now that I have looked over my work and found my real passion nature and outdoors is what I take pride in.
I will post some of my work sometimes. I would love for anyone to provide critisism of any kind. If you hate it let me know.
If you love it by all means tell me.
I would love to pursure a career in the field but when I look around there are too many photographers who have more passion, more drive, more ambition, more skills than what I've aquired so as for now it is my hobbie. Not my life.
Yet.

a day in the life of

My life consists of jornals, and handwritings. Love notes, and music notes. Poems and lyrics, and other such things.
These are the things that bring me my joy, I live for them to surround me in their encrypting grip. Never let me go, so I may forever continue to freely express what all humans possess in feelings into words.
I want to be the next edgar allen poe. I love to read others writing. And learn from their stlye who them are and whom them have become.
I would like to have the largest online blog on the globe. Like a movie, where the whole world get entranced by your writing, and you life. They cannot go one day without reading your post. You cannot skip a day for fear you will disapoint the millions who wait to hear from you.
Just a blog af day to day life. That everyone lives, whishes to live, hopes they will never live.
I am like the rest of humanity. I am real.